First, you have to understand that Tard taught me how to shoot a bow. He also got me started in the right direction in understanding deer. So everyone was shocked, especially me, when I got a doe my first season. Then when I got a buck early in my second year I think Tard began to question what he was doing with the whole bow hunting thing. You see, it was his fourth season ("Third WHOLE season" Tard will defend.) And Tard had seen deer but never shot one.

Tard put this down to bad luck. After I witnessed an early season situation where Tard didn't shoot when he had a doe 15 yards from his position ("I couldn't draw, it would SEE ME!") I knew Tard needed some Hoosier magic. You see, I'm from Indiana, and down here we have the greatest living basketball coach to walk the oak floors - BOBBY KNIGHT! OK, sure, he's in Texas now and Dean Smith is probably better and yeah Coach K but they can't help a deer hunter who won't pull the trigger.

I surmised that Tard, like a young John Voit in "Deliverance", just couldn't do it. I believe it may come from his innate niceness or his anti-hunter, liberal upbringing. Tard and his mother would drive through Wisconsin during deer season yelling "Murderer" at all the cheese-head hunters. I needed to help my dear friend cross over into the land of manhood. The journey would have nothing to do with his purdy mouth.

The time had come to Bobby Knight him! On the car ride home I began with great relish. I asked " Why the (expletive deleted riming with buck) didn't you shoot that (expletive deleted)ing deer?" Tard was quick to his defense "I couldn't draw cause I was on the ground and there were other deer and they would have seen me." "But the wind was against you and the damn thing got within 15 yards and you'll never kill a deer if you don't at least TRY to take a shot." "Ground hunting is harder" Tard offered meekly.

Now it was time to go full Bobby on him. I happen to be well suited to this because I can generate a red face at a moments notice and pretend I'm really pissed just like the General. So I started in "You're not maaan enough to kill anything, are you?" "yes I -" "BULL(expletive deleted)" I was getting redder and hot to my task. "Why the (expletive deleted) do I even go hunting with you, why are you out there." Tard with quavering voice "I can kill things" "What, What have you ever killed? The one animal you saw in the woods when you had a weapon in your hand was a pheasant when you were going to stand and you ran away screaming in your high pitched (expletive deleted almost rhymes with Deloris)-ass little girl's scream!"

Tard at this point was reduced to tears. With bitten lip Tard launched his last line of defense "THEY GO FOR THE EYES !" I had him, he was broken down and now it was time to rebuild him. "You are going to kill a deer if its the last(expletive deleted)ing thing I do. You're going to be a man about it and not chicken out like today. NO, NO you don't have it in you. You can't kill a thing can you?" "I can too!" Tard's backbone was forming as we spoke. "Have you ever shot at a deer?" "Once" "And you missed didn't you because you don't want to kill anything!" Tard in a weak voice "It was looking at me"

The battle was over. Tard knew he couldn't kill a deer. I knew he could. So from then on every conversation basically was me accusing him of being unable to kill things and him saying he "was too" man enough. Each time we talked about it he got more pissed at me. Until finally he had the red face and was yelling at me "Mongo I'm going to kill ten deer to your one!" It was time to go back into the woods.

So a fine Saturday came in November and we went to my favorite sweet spot. I gave Tard the stand by our path of least resistance and took stand a hundred yards away. It was six thirty in the morning, 20 minutes into legal when I heard what sounded like a double crack or one thump followed almost instantly by another. I looked in Tard's direction and a big doe came crashing through the woods at a full run. It galloped off towards a swamp and then I heard crashing followed by more distant crashing and then one louder, final, cataclismic crash. Then the woods were silent. And I knew.

I stood up in my stand, raised my bow in the air and shouted at the top of my lungs, "TAAAAARRRRDDDDDD!!!!" I damn near jumped out of my stand and was over to Tard's stand before he was even down the tree. "Did you shoot?" I asked breathlessly. Tard said "I got a deer, did you see her?" Following the back slapping, story telling and shoulder pounding Tard finally said "I told you I could do it." That doe dressed to 135 and gave me more pleasure than any animal I've taken. Tard says he looks at the pictures every day and smiles. Bobby Knight would be proud.