What's the old expression? " Its better to be lucky than good " Well I have a friend who is the luckiest (well ALMOST luckiest) SOB in the whole world because in one weekend he had the most incredible deer encounters I have ever heard of. Not just deer but bucks. Bucks that begged him to shoot them. Well, you decide for yourself.

It was pre-rut here in Illinois and the deer were getting buggy. Two weeks before I had taken my first buck who came in to a doe estrus soaked rag. The week before I passed on a four pointer that literally got within 5 yards of my location. But I was holding out you see. Tard swore he had seen a book class eight pointer at another property and in Illinois you can only take two bucks with gun or bow. So I was going to be patient. Hopefully my friend, we'll call him Barney, would get his first deer.

Barney was on his second season of bow hunting and had thrown his entire wallet at deer hunting but I wondered about his off season dedication. My doubts proved well founded when Barney showed up without having shot his bow since the last year. We only had a couple of hours of daylight left Friday on his arrival before the morning hunt. So out to the back yard we went to knock as much rust off as possible.

Barney informed me that he had taken the sight off his bow and now it was messed up. To play it safe I put him ten yards from my deer target in the back yard and stood well back. "Well Barney that was a perfect ass shot" I encouraged after the first twang of his bow. Eventually we got his twenty yard group down to a six inch circle. Good enough to kill bambi when the time came I thought. So out drinking we went.

The next morning we drove an hour to the monster's home turf. I took a new stand in a funnel at the corner of a corn field and Barney took a tree line stand near a crossing where does had been spotted and not fired on by Tard at 12 yards ("they'd see me") by Mongo at 35 yards ("I'm an ethical hunter.") and then later in the season fired on at 60 yards by Mongo( with the mighty cry of "Trajectory!!!"). I thought Barney would have a good chance of seeing a deer. If they crossed the fence at the hoped for spot he should be in his newly rustless range.

At 10:30 am without seeing anything but a running fawn from Barney's direction I gave up in disgust. "How'd you do?" I queried under Barney's stand. " I missed an eight pointer!" Barney exclaimed. I then in a profane manner not suitable for this family-oriented web site accused Barney of being a liar. "No I'm serious" Barney defended himself and then went on to explain how he had been spacing out when he noticed the buck crossing the fence line 15 yards from him. Being caught off guard and not having his bow in his hand he got ready and by then the buck was at 35 yards. "How big were its antlers?" I said. "Big" answered Barney. "Were they past his ears?" "Oh yeah!" I began cursing under my breath.

Barney informed me he took a shot at the monster and made a clean miss. And that at that point the three does that had been milling about in the bean field made a mad dash in my direction. "Lets go get something to eat" I said in my defeat. I was in awe and jealous as all hell. After country fried steak and a couple hours at the nudey bar we were fast friends again and back on our way to the hot spot.

Barney saw more does and I got skunked again in my great new tree stand. So home it was to try again the next day. We were back at it at 5:30 the next morning. This time Barney got the premo stand by our man-made deer path . While getting into my stand a four pointer came by and gave me a queer look. Was it the same four pointer I had passed on the week before? If I saw him again I was going to take him. And sure enough at first light he circled around and made a beeline to the rag o' doe estrus in front of my stand. I drew as he took a quick sniff and changed direction to a perpendicular path to my stand. When the four pointer got in a 15 yard firing lane I whistled to stop him. And then that little buck proved why hunting is such a challenge. Instead of stopping he jumped straight up in the air and ran like Ted Nuggent was coming. I had just done a great job of educating a buck that would now probably reach old age.

The only other action I saw was a decent buck running by my stand at 30 yards. Soon after I saw Barney wandering through the woods behind my stand. I tossed down my backpack in disgust and climbed down. It was just after 8:00. " I got one !" Barney exclaimed. I profanely accused him of prevarication. He defended himself with the tried and true " No I'm serious" He had shot the six I saw running by. We went to find the blood trail.

There was no blood trail. So I began my investigation. "Where did you shoot him?" "I don't remember I was too excited." "Which direction did he pass your stand?" " From the marsh." Then I knew that the side of the deer facing me when it ran by was the one Barney would have shot and there was no blood and no arrow sticking out anywhere. "You missed." "Bullshit!" "Lets go get your arrow." We returned to the sweet spot.

Barney told me his story. The buck had surprised him by walking right down the path I had cut and crossed the first firing lane at 8 yards. "I was spacing out" By the time Barney had his bow ready the shot was at the third firing lane at 17 yards. I went to the area and retrieved Barney's arrow. "I can't believe I missed!" he exclaimed.

"Let's hunt some more" he suggested. I insisted we go home. I just couldn't take any more. I went back to my stand to retrieve my backpack and on my return Barney informed me he had seen a four pointer coming down the trail but it ran away when he grabbed his bow. My face turned red. We left. No words were spoken on the ride home.

Please note: this story has been wildly embellished and I will gladly apologize to Barney for my anger at the time and current lies as soon as he gets his first deer this year.

PS Barney I'm going to make you drink blood!

-A mysterious email was recieved from Barney recently..............enjoy!

"You m*^$#! f!$#*&^% bastards! Am I Barney?

Barney? What kind of stupid ass name is that?? The only reason I missed all my shots is because I could not come to kill that poor creature.

Yes I see bucks all around me but I place an arrow in the dirt so you can think that I shat and missed. Actually while you are sitting up in the stand freezing waiting for that 8 point buck I am sitting in a circle with all the deer from the area. We talk of the days of yore and different vegetable recipes. I give the bucks pointers on how to win that pretty does heart, and tell the does which buck is the one for them.

The fawns cower behind mom and dad as I whip up horrifying tales of the mysterious hunters of the woods. At times they just lay down around me keeping me warm. Every once in a while they will let me ride upon their backs as they show me their trails.

Barney? Bah! "

Clearly Barney is as crazy as a shithouse rat!!